


Laurel Lance, Survivor

by MissConstance



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Acceptance, Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning, Justice for Laurel Lance, Laurel is a survivor, Laurel just needs a hug, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:01:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25167382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissConstance/pseuds/MissConstance
Summary: Laurel Lance lost everything the day Oliver and Sara stepped on that boat. Here's how she found herself again.
Relationships: Laurel Lance & Oliver Queen, Laurel Lance & Quentin Lance, Laurel Lance & Quentin Lance & Sara Lance, Laurel Lance & Sara Lance, Laurel Lance & Tommy Merlyn, Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen, Laurel Lance/Tommy Merlyn
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	1. How to Breathe

**Shock.**

Laurel couldn’t get Moira’s words out of her head. 

_Sara went on the boat._

_Sara was with Oliver._

_Sara was dead._

Laurel was frozen on the couch. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t think, she couldn’t feel anything. She could only hear these words over and over in her head. 

_Her boyfriend and her sister._

_Together._

_Dead._

She was alone in the living room. Her dad had left the house not long after they got the news. He said he needed to breathe - how did one breathe? - or to drink. Her mom had a breakdown and went to hide in her bedroom. Laurel could hear her crying from here. She should check on her. 

Laurel stood up and wiped the frozen tears on her cheeks. She caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. A stranger was staring at her. Her eyes were hollow. Her skin was looked drained. The blanket that belonged to Sara was still wrapped around her shoulder. 

A sob escaped her lips and she put her hands on her mouth, trying to smother the sound. The girl in the mirror was shaking uncontrollably, tears falling on her cheeks, on her hands, on her clothes, on the blanket… 

Laurel didn’t want to think about Sara or Oliver. _Sara and Oliver._ She didn’t want to think about what it meant. _Sara and Oliver…_

_This couldn’t be happening._

Laurel fell on the ground. Her sobs were getting louder but she didn’t care. She wrapped herself in the blanket, inhaling Sara’s perfume. 

_This wasn’t happening._

Laurel felt like she was drowning. 

_Like Sara._

She couldn’t breathe. _She couldn’t breathe!_

Laurel sat there for what felt like days. It’s only when her dad got home later that day, drunk, that she found the strength to move. She wiped her tears from her face and helped him to his bedroom. She cleaned up his mess. Her parents will need her. She had to be strong for them. 

She caught sight of her reflection again in the mirror. The tears were gone but her face was blank. She didn’t feel anything. Something died within her that day. 

Laurel thought she would never smile again. 

**Denial.**

The first year, Laurel refused to believe that Sara and Oliver were dead. 

Their bodies were never found. They could be out there, waiting. _But no one was doing anything._

On a bleak Saturday morning, they buried Sara. An empty coffin. 

Laurel didn’t want to come but her dad told her she needed to be there. She watched them lower the coffin in the ground. She still couldn’t feel anything. Her mother was sobbing on her shoulder. _I am here_ , she told her, holding her close. I am here. 

After the funeral, she got into a fight with her dad. He told her he couldn’t bear listening to her talking about Sara as if she was still alive. _They had just buried her, could she have a bit of respect!_ He was stinking of alcohol. 

No one believed her. 

No, they just started to stare at her as if she was crazy. As if she was holding on to a helpless dream. Even her parents started to look at her that way. They stopped talking. She lost the few friends she had. 

She didn’t need their pity. 

Laurel spent days and nights researching the Chinese coasts, boats going through these parts at the time of the shipwreck, and contacting hospitals, embassies and consulates. She didn’t give up. 

_She couldn’t._

__

No one else believed they were alive so she had to.

They had all lost hope. She wouldn’t. 

**Pain.**

The second year, Laurel stopped hoping. 

_Sara and Oliver were dead._

_She was never going to see them again._

When that realization hit her, she didn’t leave her bed for four days straight. She felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. She was bleeding and bleeding and bleeding and nothing could ever stop it. A part of herself died on that boat with her sister and her boyfriend. 

The only difference was that they were dead, she was still living. She had to live with that pain. Surviving sucked. 

Not long after, her parents divorced and her mom left. 

Her dad became a wreck. He drowned his misery in alcohol. 

Laurel would come home and she would find bottles laying on the ground and her dad passed out in the couch. She would take him to his bed and clean the house. She covered for his absences at work. She helped him seek help. She stayed strong, for him. 

But every night, Sara’s face haunted her dreams. Her little sister was drowning and she couldn’t do anything. She would watch her helplessly fall into the dark, terrifying sea but there was nothing she could do. She was gone. 

Every morning, Laurel woke up screaming Sara's name. 

She thought the pain would kill her one day. But she kept on waking up and living. Life became bleak. 

Dying was easy. Laurel wished she was dead. 

**Anger.**

The third year, Laurel just wanted to scream.

It was her last year of law school and everyone was still staring at her. She was and always will be ‘that girl who lost her sister and boyfriend in a shipwreck after learning they were cheating on her’. 

Sara and Oliver might be gone but they would always be shadows in her life, following her till the day she died. 

_She wasn’t just Laurel Lance._

_She was the girl who lost her sister._

_She was the girl with the dead, cheating boyfriend._

_She was the girl whose life had been ruined because of one decision._

Laurel couldn’t bear the whispers and the rumours. She was done hiding. She went on a date with a guy - the first one since Oliver - to feel alive. It was a disaster. They started screaming. He told her he now understood why Oliver cheated on her. She punched him in the face. 

After that, Laurel couldn’t contain her anger anymore. She started with plates at home, smashing them against the wall until her dad screamed her to stop. She didn’t stop.

Next were her father’s bottles. He tried to stop drinking a few times but would always relapse. Laurel was done trying to be strong for people. She was exhausted, miserable and furious. If he wanted to drink, she would let him. Laurel couldn’t bear the weight of everyone’s pain. Not anymore. 

She got into a few fights. The adrenaline made her feel alive. Her body was burning and punching felt liberating. She had no training whatsoever and would often end up bleeding on the cold ground. She didn’t care. She felt free. 

One day, the university counsellor called her into his office. The fights, the screaming, the punching needed to stop or they would have to expel her. Laurel felt the need to yell at him as an answer. But she didn’t. Her degree was the only thing that she had, that was hers only. She couldn’t lose it.

So she used that anger towards her studies. She completely cut herself from the world. She had no life, no relationship, no friends. Sara and Oliver took _everything_ from her. Except for one thing: her career. 

Laurel graduated with the highest grade in her class. 

**Depression.**

The fourth year, Laurel was drowning.

She was now officially a lawyer. She had a job and within a few years, she would become the DA assistant. Her dad finally got sober. He kept telling her how proud of her she was. Her mom even came to help her settle into her new place. 

In the eyes of the world, she was thriving. 

_Laurel Lance, the pride of her family._

It was easy to say when her only sister was dead and gone. Sara never had a chance. She was her little sister and had so much to give to the world. Laurel had failed her. 

People told her Sara would be proud of her, that she would want her to be happy and to live her life. But what did they know? Sara was dead. The dead don’t want anything.

Moira came to visit at the office she was working for. She took her hand in hers and told her she always knew she was destined for great things. But then, she started talking about Oliver. _What a beautiful couple they would have made. What a beautiful future they would have had. All of it, wasted._. In her ear, Moira told her she wouldn’t have dreamed of a better daughter-in-law. 

Laurel remained quiet. She had nothing to tell her. 

_Sara and Oliver. No matter the years, they were still haunting her. She would always have to live with their shadows._

She would never be Laurel Lance, lawyer. She would always be Laurel Lance, Oliver’s girlfriend and Sara’s sister. _Laurel Lance, the girl who lost everything._

This was an endless circle and Laurel couldn’t escape it. 

That day, she won her first case. 

That day, she drank until she couldn’t feel anymore. 

**Acceptance.**

The fifth year, Laurel started to breathe again. 

She became the best lawyer in Star City. Every law firms wanted her. She started going out and reconnected with some friends from university. She would eat dinner with her dad at least once a week and her mom would call from time to time. She had a life. 

_Sara and Oliver were always there, with her._ But she learned how to live with it. 

_They were dead. She was alive._  


Laurel visited her sister’s grave as often as she could. She would bring her blanket and sit down in front of the stone. And she would talk to her. She would tell her little sister all about her day, her colleagues, her friends, her cases. She would tell her about mom and dad. She would tell her about Tommy Merlyn. How he has reappeared into her life recently and how he was making her feel so alive. 

She imagined her sister listening to her with sparkling eyes and a mischievous grin. She always like gossips. She would love her stories. 

Talking to Sara helped her heal. 

Laurel visited Oliver’s grave from time to time. She would never stay long. But she would promise him to live her life as best she could. She would promise him to protect Thea. She would promise to make her a city safer place. 

She forgave Oliver a long time ago. He was her past. 

_Oliver and Sara were dead._ Laurel had a future. It was time she embraced it. 

She would do good. She would work hard. She would be happy. Eventually.

But not for Sara or Oliver. For herself. She deserved it. 

_She was a survivor._

After five years, Laurel learned to smile again.


	2. You Can't Bring Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver is back from the dead and Laurel's life is shattered again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set during the 1st season of Arrow - when Laurel learns that Oliver is alive and before Tommy dies.

**Chaos**

Laurel stared at the TV in her living room, her glass of wine shattered on the floor. 

_Oliver Queen was found alive on an island off the shores of China._

_Oliver._

_Alive._

She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, what she was hearing.  
How could that be possible? How could he be alive? It’s been five years! Oliver was dead. _Dead_. Like Sara. 

_Sara._

What about Sara? Maybe she was alive too! Maybe… 

_No._

Laurel gripped her head in her hands and sunk onto the couch. This wasn't happening! Not again. She could feel her tears threatening to fall. 

No. She couldn’t do that again. She couldn’t go through this again. Sara was lost. Her body was at the bottom of the ocean. 

She was _gone._

But Oliver wasn’t. Not anymore. He was on a boat back to Star City. He was alive. And he was coming back. 

_Oh, God, he was alive!_

Laurel couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. She broke down in sobs, sinking further into the pillows and the blanket. Sara’s blanket. With shaky hands, she brought it close to her face, trying to find Sara’s scent. But it was gone, just like her. There was nothing left but the faint memory of the fragrance in Laurel’s mind. Sara was just a memory. 

Then why did Laurel feel her presence as if she was standing in the room with her? 

It has been five years and Sara was still there, with her. 

Laurel thought she had moved on. She thought she had finally got her life back together. She was Laurel Lance, lawyer, daughter, friend, survivor. But she was wrong. She would never be anything else than Laurel Lance, Oliver Queen’s girlfriend and Sara’s sister. 

She would always be the girl who lost everything. 

For the first time in years, Laurel felt like she was drowning. She couldn’t breathe. 

Oliver was alive. Why couldn’t she be happy? Why couldn’t she be relieved? She had been waiting for years for him to come home and now that he was, she just… couldn’t? 

But Laurel knew why. 

Sara and Oliver shattered her life in a million pieces. After five years, Laurel was barely starting to pick up the pieces. Oliver being back, _without Sara_ , shattered them all over again and Laurel didn’t know if she would be strong enough to rise again. 

She had found peace and now it was just chaos. She didn’t want to get up ever again. 

In a semi-trance, Laurel heard knocking on her door. It was probably her dad. Probably in a worst state than her. She had to take care of him. She had to be strong for him.

Laurel wiped her face with the blanket and she stood up. Before opening the door, she saw her reflection in the mirror. There was no emotion on her face. She was empty. 

There was nothing left to her life, but chaos. 

Laurel didn’t know how she would survive this time. 

**Blame**

The first time she saw Oliver again, he showed up at her office unannounced. 

Laurel wasn’t ready. She didn’t think she would ever be ready, but that didn’t matter. Her life wasn’t in her hands anymore so why bother anyway? 

When she saw him, she stopped dead in her tracks. She didn’t know what she was feeling. A part of her wanting to hug him and never let him go. Another wanted to punch him until she felt alive again. 

He came and he apologized. He apologized for all the hurt he caused her. He apologized for ruining her life. And she couldn’t do anything else than listen to him and accept his apologies. She was frozen. She couldn't scream at him for not bringing Sara back with him. She couldn't yell at him that she wished he was dead. She didn't, not really. But seeing him here, talking to her as if everything was normal as if he didn't ruin her entire life, it was too much. But she remained there, listening to him. Oliver had just spent five years in hell and she wasn't the same girl he left five years ago. Laurel wasn't that person anymore. No, instead, she smiled and she embraced him in her arms. She waved at him as he left. 

But the truth was, she didn’t hate him. No matter how much she wanted to hate him, she didn’t. She couldn’t. 

She didn’t hate him but she blamed him. 

How could he stand here, _alive_ , while Sara was laying at the bottom of the ocean, _dead_? How could he come back here _without her_? He was the one who dragged her on that damn boat. Why did she have to be the one to die? _Why?_

This wasn’t _fair._

Her little sister would never come back to her. A piece of her heart would always be missing. Always be haunting her. 

Laurel thought that Oliver being alive would help her heal but it didn’t. Because the part of her that loved Oliver died the day they left on that boat. Yes, he would always be an important part of her life but now he was just a past chapter. He left a big hole in her life, something she would never be able to fill. But she didn’t love him, not after everything. 

Sara, however, was her sister. Her baby sister. Her other half, her life, her heart. Living without her felt like she was always gasping for air. Her soul bled every single day since she left on that boat. Laurel was past the point of being angry at her, she just wanted her little sister back. Sara was the open wound that would never stop bleeding. Laurel would ache for her every day of her life. 

Oliver was her past. Sara was her forever. So why was he the one to be standing in front of her today? 

Laurel wished Sara had come back instead of Oliver, and she hated herself for that. 

So, when she reached her apartment that day, she drank until she forgot. 

**Rejection**

Seeing Oliver living his life while her sister was lost in the ocean was too much for Laurel. 

She couldn’t be around him without thinking of Sara. Their lives were intertwined together forever and Laurel just couldn’t get her sister’s image out of her mind every time she was close to him. 

She was seeing Sara everywhere. Before Oliver came back, she had stopped haunting her. But now, she was back. Like a cruel reminder of what her life actually was. 

Laurel thought that by avoiding Oliver, she would be able to ignore her unforgiving gaze telling her _it’s your fault, it’s your fault, it’s your fault._

The voices in her came back. _You should have been a better sister. You should have listened to her. You should have known. You should have done something. You should have been the one to rest at the bottom of the ocean._

Laurel found herself visiting the bars her dad used to go to forget. She wished she could forget. But the alcohol only made her remember her more vividly. _Sara’s smile. Sara’s laughter. Sara’s cries._

Working helped. There was so much to do, so many people to stop, and now, this Hood guy, causing havoc in the city. But every time she turned around, Oliver was there. Sara too. 

Laurel felt like she was living a nightmare. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. 

She could only stand there and watch it happen. 

**Forgiveness**

After a while, Laurel got used to Oliver’s presence. 

It’s weird, isn’t it? How could her life be turned upside down in mere seconds and fight for years before finally be able to breathe again and yet, only a few months to find her way in what used to be? 

Maybe she was just getting better at whatever life was throwing at her. Laurel doubted that. Oliver was a ghost. Haunting her for years before she let him go. He wasn’t a ghost anymore. He was flesh and bone. Oliver Queen was alive and a constant in her life. She couldn’t keep ignoring him or distancing herself. 

_He was here. He was real._

_Sara wasn’t._

Maybe it was time she learned to forgive. It was easier when he was gone. She was talking to a stone. No one would answer. Now, Oliver had a voice and a face. Laurel couldn’t stand looking into his eyes for weeks. They held - still do - so much pain, sorrow and guilt. She knew he blamed himself for Sara’s death. She knew he always would. She knew it wasn’t his fault. 

He came one day in her office, unannounced as always, and invited her to lunch. 

Laurel thought about refusing. She didn’t want to be alone with him, in such an intimate setting. She was scared of what she would do or say. But she met his gaze and she only saw warmth and affection. 

The Oliver she knew was gone. Like the Laurel he knew. Their chapter was closed. 

They could start again. 

So, Laurel smiled at him and took his hand. This was a new chapter. 

**Hope**

Tommy helped. 

He became the one thing in her life that didn’t change. He was there since the beginning and he never left her side. He never abandoned her. Laurel felt herself falling in love a bit more every day. 

Oliver coming back altered their relationship, as it did with everything in her life. But Laurel could never stay away from Tommy for too long. Neither could he. They ended up crashing into each other’s arms as if it was always meant to be. 

For the first time in a very long time, Laurel felt like she wasn’t alone anymore. 

Sara was dead. 

Her mom was away. 

Her dad was drowning himself into work. 

Oliver was gone and back. 

But Tommy was always there. Laurel wasn’t going to let him get away. 

She had been scared when he had started to break through her walls. Not only because of her past with Oliver and how he broke her. But also because of who she had become. Laurel was scared she wouldn’t be able to love anymore. Not like she used to. Her heart had been so damaged. 

Turned out that her heart was the most resilient part of her body. It was slowly healing. Every smile Tommy gave her, every laugh, every kiss, made it stronger and bolder. 

Laurel saw a light through the deep waves. _She could breathe again._

Maybe her heart would never completely heal. Maybe she would always be struggling not to drown, with her head above the water. But it was okay because now she had hope. 

Laurel would take long strolls on the beach and but now she wasn’t alone. Tommy would squeeze her hand and look at her lovingly before making her laugh with one of his jokes. 

_It felt like a dream._

She started to visit Sara’s grave every day once again. When Oliver reappeared, it hurt too much. Laurel brought the blanket each time and she would tell her everything she missed. The day she told her about her relationship with Tommy, a white canary landed on the stone. Laurel smiled. 

_Sara was always with her._

When Oliver stormed back into her life, Laurel felt like she was going to drown again. But she didn’t. And she never would. 

_Because she was Laurel Lance. Survivor._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
